Sixty-nine is a curious number and remains, aside from un, deux trois as one of the few numbers I remember from my French lessons, the last of which was in 1973. For fellow FC Bayern fans, you will know that the Basque-born, French left back, Bixent

Fears that this blog and other computers may be hacked into by Martians – and anyone else with a green hue – are fast becoming a reality according to the University of California.  We are at risk because of all the stuff we send into space looki

In line with the more relaxed drinking laws in this country I began my twenty-four hour bender today with a can of diet Irn Bru in the Smelly Old Goat on the island of Gruinard.  The ferry, driven by a sheep with two heads, then took me across The M

All my working life (31 years and counting – so, glad the retirement age is being put up to 67 and am looking forward to working my allotment when I’m 132) I have worn dark things.  Being blond, light colours do not suit (and I don’t need Fann

Years ago, on the Andy Williams show, a group of five, young boys performed their songs. They hailed not from Sligo, Dartford or Daveclarkshire, but from Salt Lake City. Not featured in their pop-combo was their “little” brother. He also came

“The Prisoner” is being re-made – only with one change:  the ex-secret service man, who was continually cased by a large rubber ball will be replaced by a dyslexic Tommy Steele being chased by a little white ball.  Prince Charles has retired

“Abide with me” has abode, picked up its sticks and moved on as nowadays Francis Albert Sinatra is being the man chosen to send loved ones on their way. “My Way” has emerged as the most popular tune to be played as people shuffle of this mort

The Venus Express, which is a rocket and not a lap-dancing club, has taken off.  It will be similar to the Heathrow Express except it’ll take longer than 15 minutes, there won’t be a quiet place where “businessmen” are talking cobblers and t

By the age of three toddlers in this country will have the basic understanding of two languages (one non-European), recite the Kings & Queens of England and Scotland since 1066 – in order - and be able to use a pipette without the aid of a partner.

Do not eat Angel Delight – it may contain bits of old llamas.  New advertisements are being aimed at children highlighting the dangers lurking within chicken (sic) nuggets and burgers.  Chicken nuggets are not made from 100% chicken, but from bon

Tonight on Eastenders Grant and Phil are contemplating going to theological college.  Before they do that, they will holding an impromptu Harvest Festival in the square in Walford, after which they will be distributing the offerings to the local poo

On MUTV today Lord Lucan interviews Rio Ferdinand on becoming the next heir to the throne; Arsene Wenger pops in to conjugate some French verbs and on the afternoon show, Lies, damn lies and MUTV, <place w:st="on"><city w:st="on">Wayne wi

The last time a prince and princess visited the United States one famous film star remarked, bedecked in white suit and arm raised skywards, that he had become a prince for fifteen minutes.  Perhaps there is a chance that some lucky dance partner th

If I were to have sat the test for British citizenship today I’d be on my way back to where I came from.  It says Paddington, London on my Birth Certificate, but not having known a Magistrate’s Court can have you hung, drawn and quartered, think