Later on today I shall be re-recording Sex Bomb, Delilah and wiping my forehead with any proffered undergarments in a renewed effort for recognition in the honours system.  If Thomas Jones Woodward (star of The Wicker Man, Callan and married to

Following the Tories’ drafting-in of pop star Bob Geldorf to advise against world poverty, Labour is to recruit Shane MacGowan, to aid their drive against binge drinking.   Star Trek has topped a poll of TV series most missed.  Cl

Shane Warne only got 9 at the SCG today in the opening day of the second test against , but he will have had the last laugh.  Not only has we won Station X Factor, he has also achieved a Christmas Number 1 (the only previous cricketing person wi

King Adolf VIII and his six wives are dominating too much the thrust of history lessons in English schools and this has been noted by educational academics. Having attended my last history lesson in 1973 this rings a vague bell. King Adolf wanted

‘Tis the season to be jolly. Unless you’re Charles Kennedy, who cannot afford to get even mildly merry, let alone completely out of his tree and saying to Menzies Campbell – “you stand for leader – who’s going to vote for someone named a

Horror as quarter of a million schoolchildren are leaving primary school without knowing their three Rs. Little wonder as writing is spelt with a “W”, maths is spelt with an “A” and reading is a town in Berkshire. I still don’t know them

Later today I shall be hanging up my red pen, bus-spotter’s note-book and matching anorak, after I’ve had my last sly No.6 on the back seat on the top of the 159 route-master. After today, you will no longer be able to hear the plaintive cries o

In 2036 (that’s the year, not nearly twenty to nine on a 24-hour clock) we could be hit by a 390 metre wide asteroid (you’d need a lot of Anusol to clear that up) called Apophis – the Egyptian god for having a row. I shall be 79 in 2036. I wi

Earlier today I married Malcolm. Only joking. However, if I did know anyone called Malcolm I could have married him at midnight. I would have also needed to know of pubs with 24-hour drinking and a bakers to have a decent cake – with two men, bot