On the twelfth day of Christmas my landlady who in delivers over the holiday period to the mobile home gave to me:12 Turkey drummers11 Turkey fritters10 Turkey pot-pies9 Turkey casseroles8 Turkey curries7 Scalloped turkeys6 Turkey enchiladas5 Bowls o

This is the time of year when a part of your brain gets replaced by chip forcing you to impulse buy something you wouldn’t normally purchase in your everyday life.  These items will never be used and will act as temporary alien ornaments i

Never mind the felling of huge tracts of the Brazilian rain forests or the slipping into the Arctic of massive shards of polar ice cap, the biggest carbon footprint is in England, in a small suburb south of London and in a street called Lower Morden

I’m all packed.  I’ve got me Speedos on, packed 5 years’ worth of Skittles on a particularly strong Tupperware box and hired a not-very-good canoe paddle.  I’ve re-read all the Reggie Perrin novels; read biographies

We all have people out there who have exactly the same name as ourselves. As I was saying to Pol Pot my greengrocer, "isn't it odd when you hear your name read out on the radio?" "I was saying that very thing to Vlad the Impaler wh