A man in the States has been reunited with his wallet after 35 years. It'd never happen in Balham!

1 in 6 people are turning up for work drunk. I'd complain if I wasn't showing my work colleagues how many press ups I can do after 8 tequilas.

Millions of Britons believe they have psychic powers. I could have told you that.

Where will the new super casino city be in the UK? Ewell East, where there are two packs of unused cards for every household, is a natural choice

A phone number containing a disturbing amount of 6s has been auctioned. The person in question had a fork, two horns and a tail. Now, I'm not saying my mother-in-law's...

A Starbucks in central London's had the health people round. Live and let liv, I say - and then sprinkle it over your hot beverage

Monkeys are always prepared. Originally Baden Powell was a spider monkey. Dyb dyb dyb.

Nearly Eurovision night. Live from Riga. Vote for the country you are most likely to go to war with. Nil points (to be said in French accent)

A rare rant from this page. £130,000 per week for Michael Ballack. If I'd have known that last Saturday, I'd have booed louder. Watch out for the linesman tonight with the black hair in a pony tail and dodgy teeth.

Hippo birdie to 40 year-old Action Man. 25 more years and it'll be Action Man Pensioner - he'll have an army uniform and he'll be able to wet himself in Post Offices

A new island (lump of old glacier, but don't tell the new owner) has been discovered. If you're going, make sure you've got your vest on.

Art. I know what I like, but it's not got Oxtail soup all over the painting. You never see beef consomme in a Breughal, do you?

Walk the width of America and lose three ounces. Haven't they got Fat Club in the US, Micky love?

Never liked the Spurs - but who'd wish that on anyone? Most of the Clock End I would suggest.

Nestle are about to take away food colouring from Smarties. Soon we'll all be looking ike five portions of fruit or a stick of brocolli (however it might be spelt)

We all have a novel in us apparently - but how many of us have a painting of someone having a sulk that worth £22m? Time to get those brushes out,

No more chemistry is a possiblity as British kids spurn it for more interesting subjects - like playtime. But was it ever of use?

I thought of this before David Blaine, so there. It is the ultimate diuretic - only with pigeons.

Dancing round the flag pole caused some injuries today, but the 16mm guns looked impressive - until they smashed into Waitrose.