In 1961, Pete Seeger sang one of the first Hippie songs, “Where have all the flowers gone?” Forty-four years on the same can be asked of the hedgehog.  The Mammals Trust – of which Pamela Anderson was an Honorary President for a short time unt

There is a pub in Soho called the “John Snow.” It is dedicated to the local doctor who, in 1854, discovered cholera was a water-borne disease.  Ken Livingstone could do with having a light and bitter there today, rather than encouraging people n

200 years ago every man was asked to do his duty.  200 years ago and even though Vitamin C deficiency was very popular and not everyone on board HMS Victory (originally called HMS Scurvy, which made press-ganging even harder) wanted to be in the mid

“Singing in the rain”, “It’s raining men” and anything by Mud (playing “Trench Feet” rather than “Tiger Feet”) would have been more apposite for this years’ Glastonbury festival songlist. The papers today display many models traip

We are to get freak weather in the south-east of England.  Hailstones as big as duck’s eggs have been predicted, as have tornadoes.  I can only assume the weather from the mid-west American desert is on holiday here for a fortnight, except it won

9.12 PM.  Greg is in the garden tidying up his sports equipment.  He has been in the garden for two and a half hours.  “Wimbledon Big Brother House.  This is Divine Providence.  You are on Centre Court - please do not grunt.  The Swedish publ

David Davies, the appropriately-titled Head of Football Affairs, has been named by Faria Alam (that’s another meaning for the initials “FA”) as the “third man.”  This will come as a blow to any Kim Philby fans as I was always lead to belie

Lee Harvey Oswald started life as a comedian and his first gun was a water pistol.  Abraham Lincoln’s assailant thought he was borrowing a harmless spud gun from the near-by usherette and Brutus (not the one in Popeye) inadvertently picked up a re

If there’d been a bus which goes directly from Epsom to Indianapolis and I’d have got up earlier I could be sitting here today with two Formula 1 points to my name.  Even though I am not the fastest driver in the world, I do own a diesel, two-li

A painting by Ronnie Kray is to be auctioned in early July. I wonder, in centuries to come, if this painting – a cottage by the river – will be the focus of a Dan Brownesque novel?  Will academics see the hand of Mary Magdalene opening the door

The Queen has got an I-Pod.  I got one a fortnight ago and it’s nice to see I’m setting the monarchical accessory trend.  However, if she gets on my train with Motorhead’s “Orgasmatron” blaring out, I’ll have to have words and risk bein

A 46-year-old man is to walk, naked, from Land’s End to John O’Groats.  This man is a former marine.  He will not be fully naked – he will have his walking boots on and, I guess, some plasters hidden about his person to avoid any unnecessary

An Edinburgh ice-cream shop has started selling pea-flavoured ice cream in an attempt to encourage children to eat their greens.  Carrot cake I can almost get my head round, but given the choice of a “99“ or mashed up sprouts in a cornet with a

I am too old to channel-hop.  After going from channel to channel last night, I dreamt I’d watched Paul “Baaaabe” Danan, who’d been living in a box for the past 27 hours, being found not guilty of plying Maxwell, Jesse Jackson and Darren Gou

Australia have won the world sheep-shearing contest.  Several reasons for this: aside from wind-surfing and barbecue fire-lighting providing, sheep shearing is their major industry; the monsoons in Darwin and Wagga Wagga make the wool grow quicker s

I will not becoming a member of the Royal Family this week as I only have three O-levels and an A-level. However, with 50% of those exam successes, I could become an honorary  member of the Saxe-Coburg family – or least understand what they were s

Despite giving a forwarding address, having moved last August, my letter from 10 Downing Street informing me of my knighthood and/or peerage must have got lost in the post.  So today I shall not be celebrating alongside Sir Les Ferdinand, Lord Trott

Because people are living longer, today’s mid-fifties man is the equivalent of a forty year-old in 1900. This is because consumption isn’t as prevalent; Mafeking doesn’t need relieving as much and things are generally less Edwardian. With a l

Today sees the launch of a new GCSE (O-level if you’re my age) - which I could (like many of the others which have gone before) fail, standing on my head.  It involves “being active and healthy eating.”  It aims to teach the fundamentals of t

London is to get the world’s biggest wind farm (phnarr, phnarr).  The building will be erected near the building of the world’s largest sprout farm and cabbage patch.  Britain currently has two commercial wind farms – in Rhyl and Great Yarmou

Britain’s high streets are all becoming the same with the influx of identical chain stores up and down the country.  Soon you won’t know where you are unless you’re Henry Higgins, as many towns and cities still haven’t re-erected their signp

The government is set to launch a road tax, the amount of which will be determined by the type of road you travel on.  I do not use my car that much, but have already begun to prepare and have started to dig 3 tunnels.  One to Fleet Street, one to

The latest Harry Potter book “Oi, Voldemort, come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough” is being printed in Germany – following on from the obvious success of the Guttenberg Bible.  However, the prin

Neil Armstrong is suing his barber as he has taken fallen clippings and sold them to a collector for $3,000. Mr Armstrong has asked his hair be returned. I was sitting in Andy the barber’s chair in the Village Barber in Banstead last Saturday and