Mike Richards
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Let me paint you a picture
posted Monday, 7 September 2009
Twenty years ago I began attending a 12-week course of starting your own business (I had enrolled for Intermediate Serbo-Croat, but they got the forms mixed up). The idea of the course was the build up a business plan to take to your bank manager to get any money you might need for your new venture. Having had a mother who thrived on having things around the house which were knocked off this was anathema to me, but still I attended. The weeks grew to the final week where we were all to present our ideas to the class. During the 12-weeks were learned what VAT was, what accountants and solicitors could do for you, the importance of cash-flow and other things essential to starting your own business. Evening classes often throw up odd people. For the first three weeks a couple attended, sat up the back of the class (I’d had my eye on that spot) and snogged their way through PAYE, VAT and Petty Cash. They never came back after that as they’d probably realised they should have been in Advanced Petting which was next door. Everyone told one another what they were hoping to set up except one chap in our class. He kept himself very much to himself and was determined, until week 12 when we all got to present, what his plan was. Week 12 came round and we were all fairly confident about double-entry bookkeeping. Time to present to our fellow starter-uppers. I talked about setting up my advertising agency, another chap talked about holidays in the Khyber Pass (the scenery is outstanding as are the chances of being killed by one of several nations claiming the Pass as their own. Then Mr Secret came to the front of the class. He had an invention, he told us. An invention the likes of B&Q and Homebase would fall over themselves to stock in their shelves waiting for Bank Holiday Weekend DIYers. Encouraging, we all thought, onto a winner. He then described what his product was which would be gobbled up by the buyers in all the top UK DIY stores. His product came in many colours; it was liquid and you distributed it evenly on walls to give a decorative effect. Mr Secret had invented paint. Sadly, for Mr Secret, paint had been invented by the Egyptians (what hadn’t?) 2000 years before we’d learned the ins and outs of the cat’s arse about maternity pay. Mr Secret had clearly never been to B&Q and if he had he’d obviously never got further than the plugs. He is currently working on a type of paper you can put glue on one side while the other creates the effect of being in a cinema in the 50s.
Leave a message and help an only child! (1)
1. PJ left...
Tuesday, 8 September 2009 9:32 am
And there was I expecting a profound conclusion to the tale, something to
inspire us in these times of doom and gloom! Although, the advertising
agency plan sounded interesting.... :) Shame about the Intermediate
Serbo-Croat though - I wonder which football team you would be supporting
if you had got to the right class!